“You will never be my number one priority, or second”.
The first time I heard this on Steve Barlett’s podcast, The Diary of a CEO; I had to stop, rewind, process, and listen again. It stuck with me, and I found myself bringing it up time and time again in conversation. The quote itself, is shocking and the person in front of me was seldom, not taken aback. No one wants to hear that they are not someone’s priority, specifically in the traditional constructs around romantic relationships. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense in my mind. This was a recipe that seems to have all the ingredients necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves, our partners, and the community around us.
Now, let’s slow down and break this apart into digestable portions. The impact of not taking care of ourselves can have a domino effect and negatively impact all other areas of our lives. How are we going to be there for someone that needs us, if we are struggling with our health, (physical, mental, or spiritual). Now, as with most things in life, balance is key. Pushing for an individualistic approach, is not what is being suggested here. It’s very easy to get carried away and fall into frothing our egos, to do it for the looks, and the attention that it draws on us.
But imagine we lived a balanced life; exercising and taking care of the one body we have. The one that has to continue working to live the life and do the things we want to do. The one mind whose non-stop chatter can prevent us from simply living. It’s very easy to get stuck in a downward spiral of negativity, self-doubt, and overthinking. If our mind and body are well taken care of our spirit will flourish. You will be able to experience the full depth of life. You can go on that run, you can challenge yourself to a marathon, a backpacking trip or simply be able to play with the little ones in your life without your back hurting for the rest of the day. If we feel great about our bodies, minds, and spirits. We will naturally start discovering, creating and claiming our very unique place and position in this world. We will realize that we are part of this wonderful universe. That we can be the best version of ourselves, not only for us, but for the community and loved ones around us. Imagine what we can contribute to others, and the synergies that will permeate our everyday lifes. Imagine a community of individuals doing the hard work of taking care of ourselves AND each other. Imagine a community that can support you in all capacities as you navigate life during the trying moments. Imagine raising kids, while we feel and live true to our most authentic selves. This is an invitation to believe in ourselves, to root for those around us as much as we fight for our own dreams and the creation of the individuals we know we can be. Focus on yourself and you will have the capacity to be there for others. Care for yourself as much as you care for others. If we are there for others when life gets rough, we can be certain that we will have the privilege to share and experience their joy.
As I write this, I try to encourage you to merely take this as an examination of your own life. Different recipes work for different people and our unique conditions. I am privileged enough to be able to sit in this coffee shop, drinking my six dollar latte, while reflecting and analyzing the circumstances that allow me to think about these things. However, I know that we can do better as a society in whatever capacity that means for you. Societal constructs should be taken as that; constructs. Dig deep. Question what you were raised to believe. Leave the comfort of your home; travel, talk to strangers, question everything you consider a fact. We are so conditioned to accept the life we were born into. Why do we believe ourselves ordinary? This is not to say we are better than others, but look around you! We are part of an extraordinary universe. If anything history has shown us that facts are only facts until someone comes around and disproves them. Ask yourself what makes you, you, instead of what you were told you needed to be. We need to love every part of ourselves, unconditionally and practice doing that with others. Recognize the shame that we were inherited, and learn to be proud of who we are and catch ourselves judging others. Your mind is THE one limitation that you have control over. Believe in yourself, discover yourself, let go of attachments and trying to control outcomes, trust the universe and marvle at the world around you.
This universe is sacred, and we often forget that we are part of it. I often find myself in awe of places, people and situations and it is these moments that I pause to reflect and dig deeper. If you look closely, the sight in-front of us is compromised of hundreds of thousands of components. It is a beautifly orchestrated piece of circumstances, moments, and different factors. Let’s take a beautiful landscape as an example; The mountains, the trees, the trunks, the leaves, the patterns, the colors, the light, the air, the sun, the glow, and the observants, us. Sure, each component has it’s own source of beauty. But what makes us stop in our tracks, is the harmony and combination of them all. We are part of it. We are part of this beautiful collective landscape. Just like the trees collect nutrients, continue to grow, provide shelter, and sometimes even fruit! What if we took care of ourselves in a way that we can learn to take the nutrients we need, and consequently be the source of nutrients for others; or who knows even grow our own fruit!
This is my journey to shine as bright as I am capable of allowing myself to shine. An effort to trust the universe, and let it bring me together in perfect harmony with others to contribute in honoring this complex and wonderful life that we happen to coincide in.
