A brain-dump of a dreamer
Stability and complacency are hard to escape. Im happy for everyone that can reach that space and are genuinely happy with who they are and what their lives are. For me it's a tad bit too late, I jumped off the ledge already. This feeling of questioning life, my purpose, and wondering why I couldn't simply be happy with what I had. After all, the grass is greener on the other side, right?
For me ignorance is no longer an option, and I cannot ignore what I know to be true. Here I am again, a few years after writing my first piece on holding myself accountable. I took a breather, but boy, have I grown.
I am back on my bike, peddling in an uncertain direction on the open road, with many miles ahead. Enjoying the ride.
I used to be ashamed of believing that I had a special purpose in life. The crippling thoughts invaded my mind: why you? who do you think you are? you could never…etc. I don't want to have idols. I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Other people are not better than you. They just believed in themselves. I believe in my potential, and I will do whatever it takes to achieve everything I set my mind to. Someone is always, going to question your capacity to do great things. Stop caring about what others think about you.
When fighting the imposter syndrome or shutting voices out of my soul. I try to ask myself, “whose voice deserves to get heard?”, “who do you respect?”.
Emulate role models, who has achieved what you want to achieve? How did they do it. How did they discipline themselves? What can I learn from them?
Maybe Im delusional, but I'll rather fight for my dreams and die in the process than give up now, and die full of regret.
I have an idea of where I'm headed in life, the road there is yet to be determined. I compare this to getting lost in a foreign city. You walk around, with the objective to experience the city, its people and get lost in the magic of it all. I want to meet people on their own journey, share experiences, fall in love with myself and live every minute of my life doing something I care about. I want to lead my life, in pursuit of meaningful objectives. Human centered objectives. I care about community, connection, and being a source of opportunities regardless of the environment and circumstances which you were born into.
I aim to have a mind that is open to anything and attached to nothing.
Progress is impossible if we are always doing the same things.
On love: I want to love someone so much, that I leave them to be themselves, to think their thoughts, indulge their tastes, follow their inclinations in ways that they decide are to their likings. I want someone to do the same for me. I don't want to limit the possibilities. At least for now; I am still looking for my purpose and grounding myself on earth. I want to love myself so much, that I am capable of responding to everything and everyone with love. I want to be wealthy in things I have within, to put back out to the universe.
Deep believe in the law of attraction — you get back from the world what you put out there into the world. The universe is a mirror of my beliefs. Anything is possible. Ask the universe how you can serve it. Stop (only) taking. Because of this, I want to be a maker. I want to consume less. Our planet is dying.
I had written a list of concise goals for this year and my future. They were spelled out here. But this time, I won't share what I plan to do. I will talk about them, once I accomplish them. Practicing delayed gratification. I don't want the praise before accomplishing anything; I want to put my fears out there and talk about how i'm going to conquer them.
