A lot has happened since my first publication on this platform (This one).
I have been writing, not as consistently as I intended. (surprise, surprise). But recently I have been extra motivated and been writing many short stories. At least keeping a record of the things that have happened. I will go back and curate those stories and dive further into them to piece my self-puzzle together.
A few updates since then. Like many of us, The Corona Virus, wrecked my plans — My intentions to travel the world was no more (at least for now). Reflecting on it now, life took care of forcing me to face my demons and sit with the discomfort. Feeling trapped, frustrated and losing all motivation that had been driving my life leading up to this. I learned to sit with my discomfort. I learned to enjoy my own company. There was a point where I couldn´t take it anymore, and I setup on a road trip across the country. Traveled a total of seven thousand miles from Pittsburgh to Lake Tahoe. Had a couple of flat tires, met a Karen in Austin, Nevada who refused my friend and me service because we were wearing masks. I marveled at the natural world. Felt the insignificance of my problems. My privilege to be able to go on such trip during a world pandemic. It thought me to appreciate my life. I acknowledged my obsession with looking to the future with hopes and dreams of happinness. I recognized the need to be happy now. With what was around. To stop wanting more, craving more. I came back to my job, refreshed and wanting to actually try. I started to make a bigger effort and saw compliments start to come my way. Which made me feel better. I stopped feeling trapped and learned to live with what I had.
I made big life decisions. I am under contract for my first house. I was lucky enough to keep my job during the pandemic. Not going out as much, it allowed me to save more. What I had been saving for traveling the world doubled, and I am now able to set a plan in motion to become financially free and have passive income WHILE I travel sometime next year, when the Pandemic is, hopefully, brought under control. Newly elect President Biden, and VP Kamala Harris have our hopes up for less of the Trump narrative of hate and division. But the uncertainty in the world remains.
From here, I will learn to develop discipline. I have set my long term goals. I see where I am going more clearly. Know myself better. Learning to love myself more, every day. With the little things. I will document my journey, as cliché as it is. Why do I publish it? Why, if I know I have people pleaser tendencies, that is guilty of seeking validation from other people? Because, I am aware of those things now. Because part of this journey, is living my most authentic life. What better way to dissipate the feelings of unworthiness and living in the shadows, than putting myself out there for anyone to read.
So, as I wrap up this year. Undoubtedly one of the hardest, strangest years for all of us…I promise myself that I will carry on as best I can. I promise to be gentle and forgiving with myself. I promise that I won´t hold it against me on the days that I find it impossible to concentrate, to write, to be productive. We all have those days, and yes, it is Okay! I will achive my goals, my dreams, and become the version of myself that I want to be. Someone that my 70 years old self (if I get there) would be proud to talk about to his children and grandchildren (if I am lukcy enough to have them). Even thought this journey has been started, even before I was aware I was on it, I feel this day to be a special one. One where I memoralized and give credit to the life I´ve led up to this point. With optimism and realism, I look ahead and confidently stride into the future with the fortitude to tackle whatever this new year has in store for all of us.
Disclaimer: wrote this in one go, not a literacy master piece. But its raw, largely unedited but authentic. As I intend to live my life.
